my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize