Just mADE A PArabola og urine
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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