I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize