could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I currently don't understand fingers.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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