alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
