We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
