The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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