her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize