D3 body, D1 cock
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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