My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
