my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
my nose is crying tears of wow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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