Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
