Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
that is very illegal...i love you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
