I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
