Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.

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(614): View more from Ohio

So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night

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(917): View more from New York City

Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?

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(727): View more from Florida

josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."

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(556): View more from

Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

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(954): View more from Florida

I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.

(941): View more from Florida

Oh at the liquor store again?

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(702): View more from Nevada

It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related

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