i jhust puked up my retainher.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize