you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
