Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My vagina is very pro this idea
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