So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize