His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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