so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
