My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
