if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
