They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
