just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
