The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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