Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
