We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
