Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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