Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
