So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
