I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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