We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
