Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
