I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
