My Higher Power is John Stamos
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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