I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
