sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
