Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize