so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
