My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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