This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
