She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
