new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
