i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
