Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
