i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
