She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
