Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize