you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
