You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
