not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
