I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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