Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
