he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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