What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
