Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
