I must be too annoying 4 u.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize