i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize