1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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