he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
