so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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