I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
