that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
