maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
