Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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