Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ladies don't puke and tell
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
