What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
