The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think my moral compass just broke
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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