it was like eating out sand paper
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
